McCoffin

Got the results of my physical back this week.  やった!  Not only did my cholesterol fall to positively un-American levels, it seems that my triglycerides are a third of what they were eight months ago.  Yay for running and green tea!  So, to celebrate my good health news, I naturally ate McDonalds for breakfast.

It's only mildly ironic.  I actually have been making healthy choices as of late.  But that has not always been the case.  Twelve years of smoking hand-rolled cigarettes and Lucky Strike non-filters, ten years of drinking grain alcohol like it was a career, countless years of guzzling cola when water or actual food would have been more appropriate, nights of insufficient sleep, and the physical toll of anxiety and anger mismanagement have all left their mark upon my little body.  (Incidentally, all those marks become plainly visible when I see my reflection in the window of the subway).

Well, when I ordered my McDonalds breakfast set, an image came to mind of me pounding a nail (one with a big trademark "M" engraved on the head) into my own coffin.  Kind of like Queequeg.  Except he commissioned his coffin in a febrile state; it wasn't wrought by his own hand.  Speaking of Queequeg and company: flying to America once, a passenger named Ishmael was paged to the counter.  If our plane had plummeted into the Pacific Ocean, I suppose he'd have had better odds than the rest of us.  But I digress.

とにかく... I'm just grateful my health is good enough that I can find the idea of driving my own coffin nails whimsically amusing (if a wee bit dark).

Let's get physical.

Right.  So I had my annual physical t'other day.  Most Japanese companies require them.  Such an examination is not very expensive to begin with, and the company picks up the 30% co-pay because the thingus is mandatory.  So it's literally free of charge.

Well, it was about 37ºC outside with high humidity.  Heat index was around "Christ on a bike, it's hot!!"  Hadn't eaten anything since the night before in preparation for blood work.  Anyway, after walking for a couple of clicks, I was feeling pretty depleted and I was not finding the clinic.  I had also forgotten the questionnaire I was supposed to bring.  It was back at work.  However I really didn't want to go into the office.  It was Wednesday and there are people there I would rather avoid for the time being.  Plus, I was not dressed for work.  Not only was I not dressed for work, I was in the midst of growing my beard back and was very sweaty from wandering around in the heat.  I probably looked like a hobo.

But having failed to find the clinic, I decided I had no choice but to go in to the office.  So I trudged a couple more clicks back to work and snuck in the back way.  I made it in and out without seeing anyone I didn't want to.  In fact, I only saw one other teacher and two or three students.  They were students I teach, though.  They looked a little perturbed when they spotted me.  They've never even seen me without a necktie, much less sporting my finest slob chic.  Oh well.  しょうがない。

Anyway, I got what I needed and left.  The papers I'd forgotten had the clinic map on them.  Turns out it was in the general area I'd thought, but I just hadn't walked far enough.  I got to the clinic in time and was done with my physical in thirty minutes.  I can't even get a pizza delivered that quickly.  But during the physical, I saw one other teacher from my school.  However, though I recognized him, he didn't recognize me at all.  He didn't acknowledge me.  Not even after I bowed toward him.  It seemed he had no knowledge of who I was.  I guess all white people really do look the same.

All that aside, I just hope my cholesterol and triglycerides have gone down.